



As you may know, Zack and I are doing internships in the bay area (there are some great pictures below), and yesterday I asked Zack to write a guest blog. It was finished within TWELVE HOURS!! How productive is that? More productive than playing freeware adventure role playing games during "work", no doubt. Solely for your reading pleasure, here is your favorite future Yale student, Zack A!!
I wasn't sure whether or not to be annoyed. It was 7:20, and everybody else in the lab had already packed up and headed home. I tapped my fingers on the trackpad of my MacBook and looked expectantly at my cell phone, waiting for it to ring. Meanwhile, Robert was somewhere in the city, San Francisco, looking for 1600 16th St. Finally, the phone rang.
"I don't think this is where I'm supposed to be, dude."
"Where are you?"
"I don't know. But not on a campus."
I pictured him downtown or in some scuzzy neighborhood. I grimaced. "Yeah. Well you're looking for 600 16th St, right?"
"600?"
"Yeah."
"Not 1600?"
"No. 600."
"Ah."
"Yeah."
Twenty minutes later, we were both outside Genentech Hall, strapping on our helmets and talking about a new piece of software Robert was using Digipede to work with. Then we turned left onto 16th and cruised back into the city, riding the roads whenever possible. We crossed the Lefty O'Doul bridge in the westbound lanes that had been closed to traffic, due to the Giants game. After stopping briefly to watch the game from the public viewing areas in right-center field, our trek continued. Thinking of sea salt and Fisherman's Wharf, I pushed my pedals faster and faster, until I realized I was flying solo.
Forty feet back, Robert had stopped and was just staring out at McCovey Cove.
"That guy has a TV on his kayak." he said, as I drew alongside him. And it was true. Mounted at the front of the cradle, seat, carriage, whatever it's called, was a small flat-screen TV, encased in what looked like Goretex waterproofing.
"How do you think he powers it?"
I stood, pondering the question. I had no ready answer.
"That's crazy." Robert continued, "Kayaks are not supposed to have TVs."
Again, this was true. Kayaks were most definitely not designed as media-friendly seagoing vessels.
So I nodded in assent, my eyebrows still raised from this most peculiar sight. Characteristically, Robert widened his eyes, grinned a half grin, and shook his head as an enigmatic conclusory note to the episode.
Seconds later, I found myself once more alone on the bike path. Robert was stopped once again, although this time he was chatting with a middle-aged man in flip-flops who carried a small leather tote on a strap over his left shoulder. His hands held a long black cylinder. No, I thought. You're kidding. That kid.
Sure enough, Robert was talking to some random stranger he'd met on the street about his camera lens. I shook my head and waited several minutes. I could only imagine the conversation that would have ensued, as I was out of earshot...
Robert: Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice. Is that a Canon 720xdLR Optex lens?
Man (and hereafter we'll refer to him as pedofile, because who talks to random teenage boys on the street? Oh, wait, it's San Francisco): Um...yeah.
Robert: Wow. So like, what kind of pictures can...And here my ability to recreate the conversation runs out, because I, going to a pretentious Ivy League school, only understand that cameras take pictures. Robert, going to CalTech, has a very different perception of a camera. For Robert, cameras have things like "F-Stops" and "shade filters". For me, they have "buttons".
Anyway, after a time Robert had his fill of the camera, and the man had his fill of Robert, and we continued on our merry way, passing the site along the Embarcadero where earlier this morning I'd collided with another woman on my bike.
"Were you riding on the road?" Robert had asked initially.
"Well, no, we were riding on the sidewalk."
"Why?" Robert sounded as if I'd just told him I was joining Al-Qaeda, or signing up for the SATs again.
"It's the Embarcadero, there's a big bike path. People ride it all the time."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"So what happened?"
"Well we were coming towards each other from opposite directions. Wanting to give her more space, I turned right just as she, anticipating my move, started turning left. We couldn't correct our paths fast enough, and we hit."
"What side was she riding on."
"I don't know. You're weaving in and out all the time on that path."
"I don't understand how this could've happened if you guys were on the correct sides of the path."
"Ok, yes, true, but we weren't. It was just a random thing."
"Why weren't you riding on the road?"
"Because nobody rides on the road in San Francisco."
"It wouldn't have happened it you'd been riding on the road."
I shuddered to think what Chris Marshall would've said.
I should clarify here that our goal was In N' Out burger. Started in Souther California in 1948, In N Out has remained chiefly a SoCal classic for ages. Renowned for its quality and simplicity, it is the most profitable franchise-based fast food restaurant in the country. More importantly, it is wonderful.
So we cruised down the Embarcadero in the mustard light of early evening. As we passed under the Bay Bridge, Robert noticed another photographer, this one with a tripod set up, looking through another enormously expensive Canon at the towers of the bridge. I thought the light was perfect, and wondered how many people were taking pictures of the photogenic city this time of day.
Piers passed by one after the other, receding like falling dominoes. We hit Pier 39, the start of the touristy part of San Francisco, and kept riding. We passed people disembarking from the Alcatraz ferries and people devouring crab from vendors. We had to walk the bikes because it was so crowded. Pointedly, we rode the street when we could. Robert declined to skitch a taxi, even though he was perfectly positioned to do it.
Finally we found it. Although we had to text Google to get the street address, we finally found the kinked, glowing yellow arrow at 333 Jefferson St. Classically, its neighbor was a Hooters, which prompted discussions on why women go into Hooters. Women reading this blog: help us out here. Why would a woman go to Hooters? I can't imagine the food is that great, especially when compared to the alternatives. It's not terribly family friendly, and I doubt the men who could be found at Hooters are top-notch. But I digress. We found our objective, and entered its pristine polished glass doors.
Robert had the Karl TTO. For the ignorant, this is not a hotwheels car. Rather, it's the Karl Three-Two-One, a way to gorge yourself at In N' Out. It consists of eating three hamburgers (no onion, no special sauce, replace with ketchup), two orders of fries, and a chocolate shake. Modestly, I opted for the cheeseburger, fries, and shake meal.
Later, with the spent paper wrappers of burgers and cardboard trays of fries emptied, I felt something was missing. True to the hype, In N' Out had been wonderful. I thought about it, and realized that I simply needed more. Here I was, in Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco over summer vacation, eating at In N' Out, where I wouldn't be able to go either home or in Connecticut, and I was only having one burger? One? I said to Robert,
"I think I want another shake. And a second burger."
"There you go!" he urged, egging me on. While the Karl TTO was iin no danger of becoming the Abrahamson TTO, I had to do more than the One One One. "Are you getting fries, too?" He asked, "Because I'll eat your fries."
I thought about this for a moment, and said, "No, I wasn't really impressed with the fries. I'm just going burger and shake. You?"
Robert vascillated. He'd already cleared the Karl TTO, what more was there to do?
"I guess I could do another shake."
"That's it?" I grinned.
"Sure."
"No."
"What?"
"You're getting another burger and shake."
Laughter broke from him briefly and then he said, "Ok. We're going for the 4-2-2."
I stood in line and ordered the supplemental food supplies. This time I couldn't quite finish the burger (although it was just as good!) and only got halfway through the shake. I was stuffed. Robert, of course, cleaned the burger and shake.
"Dude," he said, as I looked on increduluously, "I think I consume about 4000 calories a day."
I nodded, not knowing what to say. He continued, "And you know what the funny thing is? I've lost weight since I've been here."
"Wow."
"Yeah."
There was a brief reflective silence, as we both turned that thought over, and as we surveyed the carnage strewn across our table. I sighed contentedly.
"Man," he half said to himself, "I wish I could eat an In N' Out burger every day." He laughed then, "That's why I'm doing the KTTOs, tto make up for all the days I haven't been able to eat In N' Out."
"You're pretty far behind." I said. And then a thought struck me. I pulled my notebook from my backpack, flipped past the trimmed pictures of gels, and uncapped a pen.
"What are you doing?"
"Finding out how many burgers you need to eat a day at CalTech in order to make up for your deficit."
A simple exercise. If we assume that Robert eats at In N' Out every day while in Pasadena, which is approximately 270 days out of the year, we find that in the next four years, where he is guaranteed In N' Outs in his vicinity, he has 1080 days. In which to eat 8030 hamburgers. This figure comes from (18)(365) which represents how far he is in the hole going into this deal. However, we mustn't forget that he needs to keep pace with his current daily demand for In N' Out, which tacks on another 1460 burgers over four years. For those of you checking your math, this means that Robert needs to consume 7.435 hamburgers from In N' Out. A day. Every day. For four years.
We both agreed it was manageable. Our thoughts now turned to something just as interesting and just as mathematically demanding. Specifically, we wanted to know how long we could go without eating after that meal. Basically we asked ourselves just how much we had actually eaten.
Alfonso, who worked the counter at In N' Out, was very cooperative in this regard. He readily handed over a brochure of Nutrition Facts. The results were scary. Robert consumed 4 hamburgers, 310 calories each because he didn't get the special sauce. I had one cheeseburger and one hamburger, 490 and 390 calories, respectively. The fry trays were 400 calories a pop. However, the real shocker lay in the milk shakes, with their 690 calories. After some humming and hawing over Robert's cell phone, we totalled Robert's intake at 3420 calories, and mine at 2133. (The odd number because I only did half my milk shake. Or something like that.)
Bellies bulging out, we finally left In N' Out, but not before we snagged a couple bumper stickers. We saddled up the bikes again and started to push towards Embarcadero. All of a sudden, this homeless guy came out of nowhere behind a trash can and shouted at us. I just about fell off my bike, much tot he amusement of the crowd I was just realizing had gathered around the provocateur. I looked at the guy again, and then back at Robert, who was laughing.
"Is that the guy?" I asked.
"Yeah."
Earlier, Robert had told me something Dan mentioned to him about Fisherman's wharf.
"Dan says there's this dude who just chills down there with two branches as camouflage and scares people."
"What?"
"Yeah. And then, like, people stand around to watch, and he asks them for money to keep scaring people. That's his gig."
I couldn't believe it at the time, but standing there looking at the spectacle itself, I cracked up. It was genius. I looked back at Robert.
"That dude is my hero."
Robert chuckled and we left the crowd. By 9:45 we were on trains headed home. The next morning I felt like I had a bowling ball in my stomach.